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"A man who was fond of wine was 
offered some grapes at dessert after dinner. 
"Much obliged," said he, pushing the plate aside; 
"I am not accustomed to take my wine in pills." 

- Jean Antheleme Brillat-Savarin, The Physiology of Taste
"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always
land on their feet,  what happens if you strap toast on the
back of a cat and drop it?" - Steven Wright. 
"The first zucchini I ever saw I 
killed it with a hoe." 
- John Gould, Monstrous Depravity, 1963
“Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.” 
- Jo Brand.